Embracing Authenticity: The Absurdity of Being "Nice"

I saw this above written by Steven Bartlett some months ago which resonated with me. While being considerate and kind is valuable, solely relying on niceness as a defining trait can be misleading and even harmful. I agree with the distinction between being nice and being kind, and it is important shedding light on the absurdity of prioritising niceness at the expense of authenticity.

The Pitfalls of "Nice":

Niceness, when used as a superficial veneer, can often be dismissive and lack authenticity. It can be easily weaponised as a means to avoid difficult conversations or uncomfortable situations, perpetuating a facade of agreeability. This perception of niceness as a mandatory social norm can undermine authenticity and personal growth, preventing individuals from expressing their true thoughts and feelings.

Drawing on Historical Examples:

To illustrate my point, I would like to reference the women from the Deep South as portrayed in "Gone with the Wind" drinking lemonade on their porches. While they were often considered "gentle and nice”, their complacency allowed for the continuation of a barbaric system of slavery. This example emphasises that niceness alone cannot be a substitute for moral principles and challenging the status quo.

The Power of Kindness:

Contrary to niceness, kindness is rooted in genuine empathy and investment in others. It extends beyond surface-level pleasantries, neutrality and requires actively understanding and addressing the needs of others. True kindness also involves speaking up for ourselves and advocating for positive change, even if it discomforts those around us.

Uncovering Unconscious Bias:

Some men and women may not realise their unintentional sexism and misogyny. They perpetuate societal stereotypes and contribute to a culture that devalues women. Think of all the names we have for women who don’t follow the rules: the spinster, cat lady, the needy girlfriend, the sanctimommy, bimbo, hag, battle-axe, ice queen, feminazi, nasty, lazy, too much and more. As women, we often face societal pressures to conform to the "nice girl" archetype, reinforcing the idea that we should remain silent and never rock the boat. Indeed at times those who move in to the the role of “nice girl/woman” often progress further. By exposing these unconscious biases, we can begin to challenge the notion of niceness that often masks hidden prejudices.

Conclusion:

As individuals, we should strive to be more than just "nice" by embracing authenticity and genuine kindness. Breaking free from the constraints of societal expectations allows us to advocate for ourselves and those around us. Let us be courageous enough to challenge the absurdity of prioritising niceness over authenticity and foster a culture that values true empathy, equality, and understanding. Together, we can create lasting positive change in our personal and professional lives.